Breaking Inside
by AngelOfDarkness97
Summary: Rose develops lung cancer which she has found has the ability to disturb her life at the academy which causes her to fall into a deep depression. Can her friends and family help her get a hold of her life once again or is she doomed to give into the disease which is slowly and painfully killing her.
1. Chapter 1

"I'm sorry, Rose. The tests came back positive."

With that one sentence I felt the entire weight of my situation come crashing down upon me. My chest tightened and I could feel my throat constrict but I refused to let my weakness shine through – I refused to let them see me cry. I pulled my painful gaze from the crisp white sheets on the infirmary mattress to Alberta, Kirova and Dr Olendzki who stood above me with consoling expressions masking their usual set mouths.

"Of course this means there will be a number of changes to your daily routines." Alberta broke the lengthy silence as she turned to Kirova for confirmation which she quickly affirms. I feel the need to deny the need for these changes, and I would have had I not felt the bile quickly rising up my throat.

Seeing the urgency in my face, Dr Olendzki dragged a large metal dish from beneath the uncomfortable hospital bed just in time for the contents of my stomach to rise back up. My throat stung as tears began to collect in the corners of my eyes and as I rubbed my mouth with the sleeve of the ugly hospital gown, I could see the cloth stained with red.

I couldn't believe that this had simply started off as what I had thought was a simple cold – I mean, Dhampirs don't get sick so why should I have believe the headaches, bloodshot eyes and occasional vomiting could possibly mean the difference between life and death – and a painfully slow and cruel one at that.

You see, the test which we had sent away a month ago were just the usual ones which tested the iron levels of your blood, oxygen intake, red cell counts etc. however, after they were returned a week later I was called away from intense cardio workout with Dimitri to visit Dr Olendzki in the infirmary. She seemed to have that sort of expression that parents wear when they are trying desperately to keep a painful secret from their children yet they can't help but to let their sorrow and anger glisten through. As I was still cooling down from training, I didn't really bat a lash at that nad I simply walked through the small building to the hospital cot which she had affectionately come to distinguish as my own personal bed as I visited so often.

It took her a few minutes to actually come out and say what the tests had shown but her ramblings beforehand already told me all I needed to know – that the news was bad… and bad it was. I had to have multiple other tests performed upon me that afternoon, various needles were jabbed into my arm, monitors were connected to me and Dr Olendzki sat there for hours writing notes and rports which she sent away the day after.

For the next month or so I pushed that dreadful experience to the back of my mind and focused mainly on my novice-guardian duties and training with Dimitri. He didn't seem to mind that I was away for many of our lessons – apparently Kirova and Alberta had told him I was splitting the lessons to take part in guided study sessions as my grades were beginning to drop, which wasn't exactly a lie. But this – this meant I would have to most likely cut out most, if not all of my training sessions and practically give up all hopes of becoming Lissa's Guardian. This meant I could no longer sit around with the gang and laugh at Stan's stupid comments throughout classes or bitch about how much fireboy drove me insane at times – this meant I could no longer be me.

"With the field experience coming up I'm afraid we are going to have to sit you out of it and grade you based upon your final academic scores." Kirova spoke slowly as she turned the idea over in her head which nearly caused me to choke on the water which Dr Olendzki had happily offered after my clearly distasteful exressions from the previous vomiting.

"No way in hell are you pulling me from the field experience! I'll never become a guardian!" I screamed in frustration as I stood from the small hospital bed. The look of shock which each of the staff held would have been amusing had I not been so enraged and scared for my future. "This is my life which you are planning to destroy – my future!"

"Rose," Dr Olendzki began in a soothing tone, "we are not trying to jeopardize your future as a guardian, we are simply trying to ensure you are safe and have the chance to get better." The rage built up inside of me as I glared at all three of them at once. How dare they! How dare they act like they have any part in this decision.

"Don't you dare act like you have a part in this decision. Don't you dare stand there and tell me that I need time to get better because you know just as well as I that that is a loud of shit. You and I both know that its just a matter of time – a waiting game – and we all have front row seats! So don't you dare act like this isn't going to kill me and that I am going to get better if I take off some time from training and the field experience." Whispering the last few words I felt even more tears join the few which clung to the corners of my eyes before finally falling down my cheeks. I couldn't have really cared anymore if they saw me cry – I mean, they are going to take me out of the field experience so why not just finally give in?

"Rose, you just need some rest. You have had a long day and have a lot to process so why don't you take these with you," Dr Olendzki spoke up once again holding out a small packet of sleeping pills, "and go back to your dorm to get some rest. We will notify Guardian Belikov that your training session this afternoon will be postponed until further notice." I held my fierce Rose Hathaway glare for at least another five minutes before hanging my head and sighing as I carefully retreaved the pills from the doctor.

"I mean it Rose, go straight to your dorm and I will see you tomorrow at 10 o'clock." The doctor spoke firmly as I pushed the door open to be greeted with the sharp rays of light. It was honestly no surprise that it was the human morning already, I had been called to the infirmary as soon as Dr Olendzki had received the results back but I was so tired that I agreed to meet her within ten minutes at the clinic.

As I trudged through the slushy mounds of snow which had begun to fall over the past week, I decided to visit Lissa to calm my nerves. I knew she would be asleep, at least I hoped to God she was dreaming and not having another romantic interlude with pyro up in the church attic, but thankfully she was cuddled up in her mounds of blankets dreaming away.

I felt a heavy weight glide off of my shoulders as I entered her dreaming world where she was dancing slowly with Christian and I was laughing in the background, taking snapshots of their first dance. She twirled happily in his arms and I watched as the flimsy white fabric billowed around her as she laughed and whispered in her newly pronounced husband's ear. He smiled sweetly at her and she reached up to kiss him which the entire crowd including my dream self and Dimitri cheered to as well. They were so happy together and I could faintly see a small bump beneath her wedding dress which Christian held lovingly as he whispered back to her. I felt tears of joy fall from my eyes as I watched them dance and laugh as a newly wed couple and I realised with a sudden painful shock hat I would never experience such a day. I would never watch my best friend marry the man of her dreams, never see their gorgeous children grow, never experience my own wedding or even have the chance to bear children, a son or daughter… I would never have the chance to live my life as I, Rosemarie Hathaway have metastasis Lung cancer which is slowly and painfully killing me.


	2. Chapter 2

Waking slowly from the drug induced haze; I could faintly see the light outside of my dorm was gone, replaced with a curtain of darkened shadows. Glancing to my alarm clock which sat proudly upon my bare bedside table I noticed that it was 8:00pm which was affirmed by the loud bustling and shouting outside of my dorm room in the long halls as other novices were rushing to and from their rooms to get ready for classes. I was surprised that I slept through a majority of that noise but judging by the fact that I had my first full night's sleep in god knows how long – those sleeping pills sure held the strength.

My appointment with Dr Olendzki was at 10 which meant that I was unable to attend any of the morning classes (which I didn't really have any queries with considering they involved math, science and English) but I only hoped the tests which she would administer upon me would be quick and easy so I could go to my afternoon classes. I hated to admit it but I truly did miss training with the other novices and more than anything my training sessions with Dimitri which I hadn't attended for almost two weeks now. He probably thought all of the extra studying would do me well when it came to the finals but it was a miracle I could add and subtract the basic two digit numbers considering I hadn't opened a textbook since I returned back to the academy with Lissa (which was quite a while back).

After downing the prescribed medication which the doctor had given me, I quickly grabbed a tee and some black skinnies before heading to the shower. The hot water felt glorious on my aching muscles (a minor side effect of the cancer) and I could slowly feel the tension leave my body as I momentarily forgot that I was dying. It was still weird to think that I am dying and that it would be a miracle for me to live to my 19th birthday – I hadn't quite grasped the concept of my situation but I knew that as soon as my mother arrived tomorrow, things would begin to set in. I was shocked out my thoughts as the water began to stream ice cold rivulets down my back which caused me to jump at the sudden cold.

After heading back to my dorm I noticed that it was 9:30pm which meant if I walked at a strolling pace to the infirmary I would be there on time… for once. Grabbing a thick winter jacket, as I tend to get cold easier these days, I set out into the softly falling snow. It looked amazing through the filter of human night light as the snow danced with the reflection from the moon's glow and trees slowly dripped mounds of snow in a continuous rhythm.

"Rose!" I snapped my head up as the familiar velvet voice carried over the snowy fields. Glancing behind me I saw Dimitri jogging at a slow pace towards me with his famous cowboy duster flying out behind him. He sure was a sight for sore eyes, no pun intended, and the look of relief which he showed freely encouraged me to close the gap between us.

"Rose, I haven't seen you for weeks, how is the studying going?" Dimitri purred in his thick Russian accent which had me practically melting on the spot.

"Not bad but Kirova is drowning me mathematical slang – I mean, what the hell is the Pythagoras theorem? Every time I hear it all I think of is a freshly baked pie!" I joked as I quickly changed curse to make it seem as though I am heading towards one of the rarely used classrooms which, for all intents and purposes, I will be 'studying' in. I didn't need Dimitri to worry if he saw me heading to the clinic and it would just make the situation a whole lot more stressful.

"Roza, I sure do hope that those who sit down to mark your finals have a good sense of humour, for your sake." He smiled one of his rare grins which only ever surfaced when I was around before he checked his watch almost as an afterthought. His grin quickly disappeared to be replaced with one of weary impatience before turning to me once again.

"I must go, Roza. Good luck with your studying and try not to cause too much grief for the headmistress." He smiled as began to quickly stride away in the thickening snow. Before I lost sight of him I cupped my mouth to increase the volume before yelling back,

"I won't Comrade – I save all of that just for you."

Pushing through the heavy infirmary doors I ran to the staff bathroom where I threw up the contents of my stomach (which was nothing) and once again more blood. I vaguely felt a pair of smooth hands hold back my hair and a soothing voice repeat comforting phrases to me as I continued to vomit.

"Thank you." I muttered, wiping the mess from my chin which Dr Olendzki just smiled at.

"I had hoped you would be on time today, Rose. I guess I should have assumed you would be late as usual." She smiled down at me which I just sighed at as I struggled to push myself up.

"I was trying to be on time – really. I just got distracted and took a bit of a detour…" I rambled off as I sat up on the hospital bed. Grabbing a small pen light, Dr Olendzki checked my vital signs, as she does every time before stopping to look me straight in the eyes.

"Rose, you are determined to take part in this field experience… aren't you?" She asked me in a knowing fashion as she had probably already guessed my answer. I nodded slowly as I hung my head as I remembered our conversation from yesterday.

"Well, I was doing some research last night and, now realise I haven't spoken to Alberta or the Headmistress about this yet, but I think if we monitored your participation and if you check in with me every afternoon – then I think we may be able to make this work in your favour… more or less…" She finished as I jumped from the bed in excitement. I grinned to her which she politely smiled back at before I hugged her tightly around the waist.

"Really? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." I shouted in exploration, sounding like some twelvie but I couldn't really care less. I had gotten my way and I would graduate!

"Can I pick up my training sessions again then?" I asked with a glimmer of hope which she took into consideration for a number of long minutes. I could feel beads of sweat begin to pile up on the back of my neck as my excitement began to damper at the possibility of not achieving the training sessions.

"I will speak to Guardian Belikov and Alberta and make sure they keep it to the basics so as not to over exert yourself."

"Wait no!" I stopped as I registered what she had just said. "Dimitri can't now about this! Only you, Alberta and Kirova can know – not even Lissa. If they know then that will just complicate things even further." I finished as the doctor took on a cryptic expression.

"But surely they are bound to find out eventually. Rose, you do realise that, I hate to tell you this, but lung cancer is kind of hard to hide – especially from those who see you every day." She spoke as she took on the role of the voice of reason but I hadn't ever cared for reason. I did know that it was hard to hide – from the almost daily visits to the hospital – outside of the academy, to the oxygen bottle which I would have to cart around with me – but the longer I can put of telling them, the better.

"I know – but please, just give me this time before it becomes too obvious to try and at least pretend that I'm normal – that I don't have a disease inside of me which is going to slowly kill me?" I begged as the doctor stood before me with a cautious look upon her face.

"Very well, Rose. I guess doctor-patient confidentiality overrules what I believe." She sighed before turning to the tray of various needles with various colourful liquids inside of them which she began to inject into me – one by one.

"So, can I go to training this afternoon then?" I asked hopefully as she administered the final needle which left me slightly lightheaded. She sighed as she threw the used needle away and turned back to me with a clear plastic bandage which would cover the needle wound.

"I don't think that would be a very good idea, Rose. I mean, I can tell by just looking at you that you are exhausted and queasy – correct?" She asked for my confirmation which I only answered by grabbing the nearest metal dish I could find and emptying my stomach into it.

"That's what I thought. You should take it easy for the rest of the day and I will speak to Alberta and the Headmistress on your behalf, ok?" She commanded in a motherly fashion before sending me on my way. As I walked through the thick metal doors I noticed that it was lunch and there were people milling everywhere on their way to either the cafeteria or the feeders.

"Hey Rose." I heard Lissa before I saw her jump out of the misty weather before me and grabbing me in a vice-like hug. We hadn't seen each other for a few days and I could feel through the bond that she was in a questioning mood which I became extremely nervous about.

"Hey Liss," I replied as I began to walk with her to the cafeteria where I noticed Eddie and Christian were already waiting for us. "What have you been up to?" I asked her in a timid voice as I took a seat between Lissa and Eddie.

"Nothing much, Adrian has been trying to get me to teach him to heal more but I told him he had to teach me to dream walk first." She finished as she grinned like a small child at her ultimatum.

"Yeah and unfortunately he can't seem to get sober enough to do it lately." Christian commented as he pulled Lissa closer to his side with his arm wrapped firmly around her waist.

"Hey! I'm sober now… well, sober enough…" Adrian exclaimed in a mock hurt kind of fashion before turning to me. "Speaking of which, Little Dhampir, your aura just seems to continue to surprise me…" He trailed off as his eyes roamed down my body in what I was hoping was more of a 'what is wrong' kind of way as opposed to 'damn, you're looking fine today' way.

"So where have you been, Little Dhampir?" Adrian asked as he took a long sip from a small coffee travel mug which I secretly assumed was spiked with liquor.

"You know, just around the campus. Kirova has me doing extra studying with her because according to her my grades need to be picked up if I plan to graduate…" I trailed off as I fed them all the same story which I had given Dimitri beforehand. They all seemed to hold suspicion in their gazes as they scrutinised my explanation within their minds however they all seemed to accept it for the truth apart from Lissa and Christian who continued to scrutinise the story. Of course! Trust the bloody Spirit users to be the suspicious ones!

Averting my gaze, I turned my attention to the small cafeteria line where I could see a freshly baked pile of doughnuts on display along with various other sweet treats. Feeling my stomach do a quick flip and turn I began to take deep breathes through my nose to calm my upset stomach.

"Anyway, I was thinking of starting up a little team of Moroi who want to learn how to use their elements in a defensive way, just like aunt-"

"Umm, it was great seeing you guys but I really have to get back, Kirova will be wondering where I am…" I interrupted Christian, which I received a death glare from Fireboy for as I excused myself from the table. Once outside of the cafeteria, I ran for the nearest bush which I quickly vomited into. A stream of blood came from my mouth to stain the pure white blanket of snow behind the thick bush and the rich copper scent flooded my brain. I became even more woozy as I continued to vomit streams of blood. My surroundings began to blur together and I could feel myself quickly falling to the side, towards the cold blanket of snow which was stained with my blood. And just like that – I collapsed in the snowy field behind the cafeteria.


	3. Chapter 3

"Rose? Rose can you hear me?" The soft voice slowly drifted through the comatose state which my mind had entered. A soft hand patted down my hair in a soothing action and I could vaguely feel a weight push down the bed beside my torso which I assumed was due to someone sitting beside me.

"Rose?" The voice whispered again as I tested my limbs one at a time to ensure I could still move. Slowly peeking my eyes open, I quickly scrunched them together once again as the bright florescent light shone into my eyes making me flinch painfully. As I flinched, my breathe caught in my throat which resulted in my chest heaving as I coughed repeatedly feeling thick copper-like fluid rise and spurt from my mouth.

Grabbing out frantically to the person who owned the voice, I felt the harsh, weathered hands pull me forward to a sitting position, placing a metal dish below my chin to catch the blood.

With tears in my eyes I glanced up to the figure and through my blurry vision I could see my mother sitting beside me, soothing me as she rubbed my back reassuringly.

"Mum?" I choked in surprise as I whipped my head around franticly to take in my surroundings. Groaning internally I realised that I was back in the sterile academy's clinic. _I only just got out of here!_

"What are you doing here? What the hell am I doing here?" I asked in confusion as my mother located the small red button beside my bed head which would summon Dr Olendzki. She hushed me and pushed softly against my shoulder to keep me in the hospital bed.

"Rose, calm down. You collapsed in the snow a few days ago and have been in and out of consciousness since." My mother assured me as I heard the heavy doors open and close as the doctor walked in.

"It's good to see that you are finally awake, Ms Hathaway." Dr Olendzki commented as she walked towards us with a glass of water. I timidly took hold of the glass and sipped at the cool liquid which soothed my burning throat. However, the soothing effect seemed to be short-lived as I felt the liquid seep further through my system cutting off my airways making me choke on my breath. Sitting forward instantly, I threw the glass to the floor as I choked and coughed in order to clear my airways. The doctor seemed to act on medical instinct as she hooked up a large machine with way too many buttons before placing a small mask over my nose and mouth. I began to panic as the air around me seemed to thin from the assistance of the damn mask which clawed at desperately to remove it. However, my hands were instantly pinned to the bed by my mother as the doctor pressed a number of buttons on the machine which caused it to lurch to life, pumping clouds of oxygen through the mask.

"Rose, just breathe and clam down." Dr Olendzki whispered by my ear as my coughing and spluttering calmed down as I could finally feel my airways clear up.

"It seems your condition may be getting worse…" The doctor trailed off as she wrote some notes down in her small notebook and my mother stood from the bed to sit in one of the chairs provided beside the hospital cot.

"Wh-What happened?" I asked in bewilderment at the serious lack of accountable days and my mother's sudden appearance.

"Well, after your tests the other day I realised you had left before I had the chance to propose a trip to an actual hospital next week for further assessments of your condition. However, when I entered the cafeteria to see you were missing I realised something may be wrong. Unfortunately I found that I was right when I was walking towards the Dhampir dorms and I found you lying behind the cafeteria in pool of blood and snow." Dr Olendzki finished her recount of events which I couldn't help but feel slightly relieved that she had found me and not someone like Lissa or Dimitri.

"But, as I was saying – next Monday, you, Alberta and I are leaving the academy for the day to visit a human hospital just North of here. It will be a long trip but I spoke to the Headmistress and we have decided that as your condition becomes worse, so does the need for you to have further assessments somewhere other than a small school hospital." I hated the idea of having to go to an actual hospital which would be filled with sorrow and illness but I had no choice but to agree – I mean, I _am_ currently using a machine to breathe.

"Okay" I slowly agreed as the doctor injected the usual set of needles with colourful liquids into my arm, causing my eyes to become heavy and my fingertips to go numb.

"I'm sorry, Guardian Hathaway – but I am going to have to get you to leave so that Rose may have a full rest. I'm sure Mr Mazur will be waiting anxiously to hear news of Rose's condition though." Dr Olendzki informed my mother as she stood with a worried expression upon her face – something I had never really seen before (apart from when we were kidnapped during last winter break by a group of Strigoi).

"Oh umm sure – I'll see you later, Rose." My mother whispered as she pat my hand gently before walking through the doors to the main entrance of the clinic. As she walked away I couldn't help but play over these last few minutes in my mind and boy, did I have one exhausting week ahead of me.

Visit the human hospital

Find out who the hell this Mazur guy is

Try to avoid breathing with this infernal machine as much as possible

Avoid Lissa, Dimitri, Christian, Eddie, Adrian and the rest of the school from finding out about my condition

Repeat all of the above…

Well, whoever said dying of cancer would be easy…?


	4. Chapter 4

Stuffing on a second snow jacket I slowly trudged my way through the snow to the academy's front gates. I could faintly see the bulky black SUV sitting idly with Alberta, Dr Olendzki, my mother and a tall Moroi that seemed vaguely familiar.

"Hathaway!" Alberta yelled to me as she began to walk towards me, "Thought you were going to make us have to come and get you." I smiled slightly as I rushed the last few metres to the car and the remainders of the group. I could feel my teeth chattering with the cold and my nose began to run.

"Come along, come along – we need to get going." Dr Olendzki ushered us to the car where we all piled in, ready for the long trip ahead of us.

Stripping off the top jacket, I shook all traces of snow from the material as my mother handed me a thick blanket which she pulled from under the front seat. I accepted in thankfully and wrapped it multiple times around my frame and slowly moved my fingers as the numb sensation began to die away.

"Now your appointment is at 12 and we should be there around 11:40 which will give us enough time to find a close parking spot where we can walk you in and out without any trouble." I quickly glanced to the clock on the dashboard which read 10:03am before settling back into the car seat. I knew what they meant by avoiding any trouble, because as uncommon as it may be, it isn't entirely unheard of for Moroi, humans and Dhampirs to be pulled from the streets during the day – I mean, look at what happened during winter break…

"So… Rose…" I heard the Moroi man speak in a low voice which held a very distinct thick accent – not as velvet as Dimitri's but more harsh to the ears. I glanced up at him in curiosity as this had been one of the first times I had heard him speak and it seemed vaguely familiar like a long forgotten dream.

"Yes?" I asked as he looked down at me with his harsh gaze, however in his cold stone-like eyes I could swear I saw a softening in his gaze as he took in my small form huddled up in my seat with the thick blanket wrapped around me tightly.

"Your mother tells me that you are quite the trouble maker?" He asked which sounded more like a statement of true fact. As far as famous first-liners go – that wasn't entirely impressive, nor was it altogether welcoming.

I felt my brow furrow in both confusion and aggravation as I looked to my mother who, for the first time in her life, looked sheepish as she pushed back against the seat looking as if she wished it would just eat her up so that she could avoid this conversation.

"Mum?" I glared at her which caused her face to lose all trace of colour as all of the blood seemed to rush to her exposed neck. She didn't reply instantly as I could see the cogs and gears turning within her mind as she scrambled for a way to change the subject – or at least avoid her daughter's wrath.

"Please, I didn't mean to intrude, I am simply trying to get a better idea as to who you are." The Moroi man said in a rush as he noticed my mother's nervous smile and my growing glare. I could feel the anger bubbling up inside of me as he mentioned 'trying to get a better idea of me' but instead of turning and biting his head off over it, I tried to take as many deep breathes as possible without causing myself too much pain. After I was sure that my anger was in check and I wasn't going to start coughing and sputtering before we reached a hospital I turned my withering gaze to the man.

"Who the hell are you anyway, Moroi guy?"

A long silence seemed to fill the entire car as I heard Dr Olendzki and Alberta instantly stop chatting about the lack of guardians across the school. The man seemed to be in a state of either shock or confusion but wither way – there was something going on here that they weren't telling me.

"Di-Didn't your mother tell you?" The Moroi stuttered with what I could of sworn to be a small hint of sorrow or anguish buried within his voice.

"Tell me what?" I switched my gaze to my mother who had quickly gone from the pathetic cowering woman who was afraid of her own daughter to the professional Guardian Hathaway whom I knew oh-so well.

"What's he talking about?" I knew my voice was shaking slightly but I couldn't care less, they were all keeping something from me and the more I sat there wondering the more ideas popped into my head which seemed to cause more distress than anything else for me. I could feel my breathes becoming shallow as the silence continued and the tension which was building up by the second seemed to be thick enough that you could slice it with a knife.

"Mum, what is he talking about? What aren't you telling me?" I asked once again in an impatient manner which I had hoped would slide through to her maternal instincts however, it seems she didn't have any noticeable chinks in her guardian armour.

"Rose, calm down." Dr Olendzki coaxed from the front seat in a soothing manner which only went in one ear and out the other as my mother continued to ignore my questioning.

"Damn it Mum, what the hell is going on?!" I screamed which she jumped slightly at.

"Nothing, Rose. Now calm down." She spoke in an entirely composed manner which sounded as if she was speaking to an associate about the weather.

"MUM?!" I yelled in disbelief at her nonchalant reply which caused her lip to twitch as it often does when her patience is wearing thin. I knew I should stop right there but I was sick of her keeping secrets from me and I wanted to know who the hell this guy was. So, as any teenager would do in such a situation, I continued to yell for her to tell me.

"Mum, just tell me what the hell it is that you think is so important!" I screamed and just like that – she snapped. Her head whipped in my direction and her face held a fiery glow before she screamed right back at me,

"He's your father, ok Rosemarie? Abe is your father!"

Silence filled the car and I began to feel more than uncomfortable in my own skin. I could feel the concerned gaze of the Moroi man my father burning into my back as I flinched away from him. Through doing so, my breath caught in throat causing me to begin coughing and gasping for fresh, clean air. Through these fits I could vaguely hear Dr Olendzki soothing me and assuring that we were nearly there but as I glanced down at the hand which I held cupped to my mouth, all I could see was red. That was the moment, ladies and gentlemen that I, Rose Hathaway began to truly freak out.

It felt as I was trying to force my lungs up through my throat with the amount of blood which was building up there. Even my nose was blocked from the tears which were running freely down my face as the air which I so desperately needed, stayed out of immediate reach.

Feeling the car come to an abrupt stop I managed to see through my glassy eyes that we were in the underground parking lot of the hospital. In hopes to get air into my lungs, I threw the door open and fell onto the cold, hard asphalt where I felt myself slowly fade out.


	5. Chapter 5

When I came to I could hear the repetitive beeping of the heart monitor off to my left side and a sharp sting in my arm which I realised was a drip. I sighed in frustration as I looked around the room at my sudden new surroundings. My mother sat in the corner in front of the small window which diluted the sterile lighting in the hospital and I could see Dr Olendzki speaking quietly with a human doctor who was dressed in colourful scrubs. She only seemed quite young, in her early twenties, with her long blonde hair tied back in a tight ponytail and small thin glasses perched upon her nose.

Reaching up to my face I felt a tube under my nose with two small plugs which led into my nostrils filtering oxygen of a sort into my system. I tried to grab a hold of the tube, pulling it over my ears however; I was stopped almost immediately by the doctors calm, sugary voice.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Ms Hathaway." The doctor pulled my hand away as she placed the tube back in its place. I could see my mother turn to me with a start as she took out a small black box and held it to her ear. After muttering a few select words down the line she pocketed the small phone and rushed to my side. I turned back to the doctor and Dr Olendzki as I avoided my mother's gaze. I still remembered what she told me in the car and I was more than happy that that Abe guy was nowhere in sight.

"My name's Dr Clara. Now Ms Hathaway, do you remember what happened?" Dr Clara asked in a professional tone. Of course I knew what had happened but if I were to divulge that fact then I may have to face Abe and my mother. However, if I were to just remain ignorant of what had happened and act as if I can't remember – then Abe and my mother will go home soon enough and I will be in the clear.

Coming to a decision quickly, I slowly shook my head as I plastered what I had hoped was a believable look of confusion. I could of sworn that my mother let out a sigh of relief as she grabbed my hand tightly, brushing her thumb over my knuckles in a comforting manner. I wanted to flinch away from her and avoid her touch but I knew that if I were to do so – she would know the truth.

"Not really. All I remember is getting in the car to go to the hospital for my appointment but then it all just goes blank." My voice fades out as I glance around the room in anticipation for what may happen next. The two doctors and my mother exchanged knowing looks before Dr Clara turned to Dr Olendzki.

"Considering the stress she was under at the time which resulted in her unconsciousness, this memory loss is really no surprise and is also nothing to worry about." She spoke under her breath before turning back to me with a small kind smile upon her lips.

"Now, Ms Hathaway – your mother and Dr Olendzki tell me that you have a very active and physical routine at your academy and due to this – I am not asking you to stop this exercising but you will need to take it much easier and use the oxygen tank at all times. It's just like the tube which is on your face at the moment only instead of it being connected to this large machine here – you will have a smaller tank which it will be connected to. It can easily be transported around and is quite light so you should have no problem moving it around." Dr Clara spoke soothingly to me as she motioned to a cylindrical tank which sat in the corner of the room. It sat in a small cart with wheels which had a long adjustable handle to assist in pulling around.

I couldn't help but wonder just how much my mother and Dr Olendzki had told the human woman about the academy but I just brushed it off as the doctor continued to speak.

"Now, this tank will be supplied by the hospital and it has enough oxygen to last up to 48 hours. Each new tank will be paid for by your health care so there's no need to worry about any costs." Dr Clara smiled reassuringly as she pat my hand soothingly before leaving the room with Dr Olendzki.

I knew that they would be speaking about something which they were worried about me knowing so therefore didn't want to talk about it in front of us. I understood this but I still didn't like the fact that I had now been left with my mother… alone.

"Oh Rosemarie – I am so sorry." She spoke softly into my ear which I cringed internally at. I knew she meant the fact that I am in this situation – that I have cancer eating away at my lungs but I couldn't help but think about what happened in the car. Abe is my father and he has been absent for my whole life then he just suddenly walks back in and expects to be able to try to get to know me?! He had 17, nearly 18 years to do that, but had he ever shown up on a birthday, sent a card or anything else? No, so why the hell should I just ignore his absence and accept him into my life as the father I never had? That's just it… I don't think I can.


	6. Chapter 6

By the time our small group entered the academy's grounds it was already getting dark which meant that the school grounds would soon be teaming with Moroi teens on their way to breakfast and morning classes. I had spent the last few hours hooked up to a number of machines with multiple wires and tubes dripping various liquids into my system. Dr Clara wasted no time in my cancer treatment after she left me with my mother as only 10 minutes later, her and five other doctors in paschal coloured scrubs bustled through the doors, wheeling large machines behind them. After having Dr Olendzki, my mother and Alberta hold me down so that they could insert the long thick needles into my flesh, it seemed the torture only prolonged.

"Now Miss Hathaway, this treatment will cause a large amount of discomfort and I am warning you now that it will cause you to cough up both blood and other hazardous chemicals which your body will try to expel." Dr Clara warned me before smiling timidly in my direction and once again leaving me with my mother, Alberta and Dr Olendzki. The whereabouts of Abe my father was still unknown but, quite honestly, the longer he is out of sight, the longer I can pretend that what happened in the car was simply my own delusional mind…

The acidic liquids which I threw up burned my throat and caused my breathing to get even worse which gave me reason to believe that the treatment was a bust… it just didn't work. However, after hitting the distress button on repeat, which I found above my hospital cot, Dr Clara only assured me that it was the strongest treatment currently available and was most definitely working perfectly.

"Rose…" My mother nudged my shoulder as we pulled into the academy carpark as the rest of our group exited the car. I felt my palms begin to sweat as I rubbed them across my jeans to remove the stickiness. It was weird in all honesty considering I was freezing my ass off in the snowy weather with two heavy snow jackets… yet my freaking palms were sweating! Adjusting the tube below my nose so that the two little nubs sat perfectly within my nostrils I breathed in deeply and grabbed the cart which held my first bottle of oxygen. I knew today would be the end of me. I knew that my life at the academy would officially be over and the longer I sat in the car – the longer I wished I could hijack it and take off so as to not face the day ahead of me.

"Rose honey… We have to go." My mother whispered encouragingly in my ear (probably thinking I misheard her the first time) which I slowly nodded at. Breathing in another deep breath from my oxygen bottle I slowly opened my door and froze instantly as the frozen air blew in my face. I could faintly see in the distance that a number of Moroi were milling around the campus on their way to breakfast and I cringed as my stomach growled loudly. No way in hell was I going to walk into the academy's cafeteria with a tube on my face and an oxygen tank wheeling around behind!

"Mum, I don't think I can do this…" I whispered to my mother in fear as she slowly and patiently sat behind me in the car. I could feel her warm hands on my arms as she attempted a motherly comforting gesture which I happily accepted – needing the comfort in that moment. I know our past has been extremely rocky and nearly non-existent but she still remained my mother and any comfort and confidence which I could draw from her in that very moment was more than welcome.

"You can do this honey… Alberta and Dr Olendzki will be waiting for us in the Headmistress' office and we will go on from there." My mother nudged me carefully out of the car and together we trudged through the freshly fallen snow. I could feel my nose and fingers going numb as we reached the small office after successfully avoiding all students and guardians where headmistress Kirova sat behind her heavy oak desk. I huffed as I pulled off my top jacket, shaking off the remnants of snow, and hung it up on the coat rack behind the door. However, what I did not expect to see as I shut the door behind me was the soft masculine face of my mentor, my instructor… my Dimitri.

He seemed to have a confused expression upon his face which I assumed was due to the fact that no one had actually informed him of what this little meeting was about, which only seemed to intensify as he took in the tube and oxygen tank. The concern within his eyes was enough to cause me to divert my gaze to the rest of the group as Kirova motioned for me to take the seat across from her. My mother once again nudged me forward and I reluctantly walked to the chair where I not-so-gracefully threw myself down. I glared up at Dr Olendzki and Alberta at the fact that Dimitri was present however, they both kept completely straight faces as I once again focused my attention back on Kirova.

"Miss Hathaway, I hope you enjoyed your day away from campus." Kirova began as she smiled (as warmly as Kirova could) at me which I simply scoffed at. She hoped I enjoyed my day? She might as well have said 'Hey, I hope you like dying of cancer and having painful treatment for hours at a time'!

Swallowing my rage I simply offered her a tight-lipped smile which only increased the tension within the room.

"As much as you can when you spend the entire day in a hospital being poked by needles…" I mumbled as I bit back a number of choice words which I craved to scream at her. In the corner of my eye I could see Dimitri straighten up as his posture became rigid at my casual mention of the hospital and treatment.

"Yes well… As I understand, Dr Clara has set up your next appointment for this Friday?" Kirova questioned as she scanned over a number of papers which Dr Olendzki handed over. I knew she wasn't really looking for an answer, she was just reading over the information aloud for herself and to keep me up to date. In all honesty I had hoped that I could avoid that blasted hospital for at least a little longer but either way I wouldn't be able to avoid it for the rest of my life…

"Miss Hathaway, I have also taken it upon myself to schedule a meeting between you and the academy's counsellor tomorrow afternoon instead of your usual gym class." The rage within me threatened to spill over as she spoke of the counsellor. I mean, it was bad enough that I am being removed from gym but now I have to see a bloody shrink?!

"No!" I stat simply as I stand abruptly from the small metallic chair which resulted in the tube slipping slightly from my nose to my chin as the oxygen tank got caught behind the chair leg. I struggled to pull the small cart which held the tank away from the chair leg so that I may readjust the breathing apparatus but it only seemed to get more stuck as I growled in frustration. The vibration in my chest hurt and I could feel the flood of pain travel up through my throat to end in scratchy coughs bubbling through my lips. I could feel my mother standing behind me rubbing my back soothingly as Dr Olendzki rushed to help me untangle the oxygen tank.

Sucking in a sharp breath I pushed the two women away from me in frustration as I kicked the damn chair away. I hate when people pity me and try to take care of me because as long as I am physically able to do so for myself then it will stay that way!

I heard a slight crack as the chair and tank skidded backward which left me with the tube below my nose empty as the oxygen erupted from the vacant hole in the top of the tank. A long silence filled the room before Dr Olendzki once again reached silently for the tank which she quickly popped the end of the tube into before lowering the pressure wheel to reduce the discomfort.

Clearing my throat I once again diverted my eyes to the headmistress who had stayed seated the entire time with a bored expression.

"No, I am not going to go and see some shrink about my little problem! I mean, it's bad enough that you have apparently decided that I am cut from gym class but I am not going to speak to some counsellor!" I huffed as I stood in anticipation of the trouble I would be in for the way I am speaking.

"Rose," I looked up startled at her casual use of my name, "your problem is hardly little and I am only doing what is best for you by removing from your physical training within the academy." She spoke quietly yet in a clearly authoritive tone.

The fact that I am no longer going to be training is just another sign of the fact that I am not going to graduate a guardian – Lissa's guardian and who knows? I mightn't even graduate at all.

I let my mind wander to thoughts of my death which resulted in the lining of my eyes taking on a watery sting. Clearing my throat I sighed quietly before looking up into the eyes of my mentor. He had the usual blank expression of a guardian but I could clearly see the watery film coating his eyes which held only fear.

"Does that include my lessons with Dim- Guardian Belikov?" Dimitri seemed shocked at the possibility of that even happening but he continued to keep the all too stony expression upon his face.

Kirova seemed to contemplate the idea for a few minutes which to me felt like an eternity before glancing between Dimitri and I and nodding her head once.

"Yes, I'm afraid so."


	7. Chapter 7

After sitting through Kirova discussing the new rules that I would be governed by until further notice for about half an hour she finally waved her hand to signal the finalisation of the meeting. I could tell by the way that Dimitri stepped forward with a determined expression that he had a one track mind set solely on cornering me and using his Russian charm to fish the truth out of me. However, I wanted nothing more than to hide away in my room and just go back to the way things used to be where I would meet him in the early mornings and afternoons and crack jokes about his unique choice of literature.

"Rose I-" Before he had a chance to finish I stood and wheeled the oxygen tank behind me as quick as possible. I didn't really know where I was going and in all honesty I didn't really care. I just knew that I needed to get away from everyone – get away from the sympathetic looks and the impressive rounds of 21 questions regarding cancer.

"Hey Rose, where have you been?" Lissa questioned as I passed her in the halls outside of the cafeteria as Christian pulled her close to his side and Eddie rushed forward at the sight of me. I knew it had been quite a while since I spent time with my best friend, the pyro and Eddie but I just couldn't be around anyone at the moment. She took in the tube under my nose and the cylindrical tank behind me in shock as I flew past her in direction of the tress surrounding the academy. I knew she wouldn't follow me as 1) She was trying to keep up a good façade for the teachers and 2) She always knew when I needed alone time and this is one of those times.

"Well I'll see you later then!" Lissa yelled to me as I sped away before continuing on her way to her next class which I believed was English.

I felt my breaths become heavier as I reached the first few trees where I grabbed a hold of one of the tree trunks to steady myself and even out my breathing. Pushing forward I yanked the oxygen tank along the uneven ground below me as I continued on my way to god knows where. I knew I shouldn't have been running (in fact Dr Clara made a point to specifically point out the fact that I should avoid such exercise) but at that moment – I honestly couldn't care less.

As I tore through the trees I tripped, hit my head on the closest low-hanging tree branch and felt my face hit the cold, damp leaves and twigs which were coated in a thick layer of snow which covered the ground and the tube below my nose slipped away to sit under my chin. My chest felt heavy as it came into contact with the ground, winding me, which resulted in my heaving a small amount of blood onto the forest floor.

In confusion I searched around to find what had tripped me and after accidently kicking my tank as I pulled myself up I noticed the bloody wheel of the cart which carried it had gotten caught behind a tree root.

"Are you kidding me?!" I breathed out in a ragged whisper as I ripped the tube away from my face and threw it at the tank in frustration. Brushing off a number of bugs and insects which crawled up my arms, I left the tank where it lay and stumbled forward. My vision blurred together as my feet dragged along the forest floor and I could swear I saw a small wood cabin a few metres before me. It seemed to be hidden away where no students would accidently stumble upon (even though that was literally what I had done) and I focused my vision solely on the small cabin. I needed to rest and I knew it was only a matter of time before I'd run out of breath due to the absence of the oxygen tank. Even though I had only had it for a number of hours, my body had become accustomed to the tank and therefore relied upon its assistance to breathe.

Stumbling into the intricately carved wooden door I pushed fervently against it before falling through the doorway onto the wooden flooring. Gasping I flung my arms out before me to catch my fall and a gust of dust blew up into a cloud around my head. Searching desperately for clear air I gasped and choked as I scratched around on the floor to crawl further through the cabin. I felt my head hit the small bed in the corner which had a number of old blankets and sheets strewn across it.

Brushing off my arms I felt an itch at my elbow which felt a heel of a lot like bug legs crawling up my arm. Scratching the itch I steadied my breathing before searching around the small room.

There was an old fireplace off to the side with a pile of old wood and matches beside it. Walking to it I gave my best attempt at lighting a small fire which did little to ease the shaking of my body as the cold seeped through my wet clothes (it probably didn't help that I had fallen onto the snow).

As I sat shivering before the fire I finally let everything come down around me in a tidal wave of truths. I was never going to graduate, I was never going to see Lissa go on to become the successful woman everyone knows she will be, I was never going to be her guardian and what's more, I was never going to be able to truly become close with Dimitri. My Dimitri… He had looked so stricken as I walked through the door with oxygen tank behind me, my flesh a pale drained pallor.

Scratching my arm I felt that itch of the insect-like legs across my arm but as I glanced down – there was nothing there. Nothing. I knew it was the cancer which was making me feel this way but I couldn't get rid of it. It was like a cancerous serpent slithering through my system, slithering below the skin of my arm… just below the surface. Picking away at the floor boards I glanced down and noticed that – without me knowing – I had dug a rusty old nail from the wood. The skin around my nails were raw and blood trickled down my hand into small crimson droplets on the wooden flooring. Each one of those droplets held cancerous cells – cancer was in my own damn blood.

Scratching at my arm I noticed red lines appearing from my nails which the slithering cancerous serpent rushed to as if it wanted to escape. Glancing down at the nail in my hand I slowly brought it to my arm and dug it into my flesh. Hissing in pain, I slowly pulled it up my arm and felt a small smile stretch across my face as the blood bubbled up through the cut. It was nearly hypnotic the way the blood oozed out of my arm to splash against the flooring and I couldn't help but giggle at the euphoria of the moment.

A small part of me felt immensely guilty for doing this knowing that I had chastised Lissa multiple times for the exact same thing – but in that moment I just couldn't care less. I could feel the cancer sliding around below my skin and I just wanted it out – wanted to cut away at myself until it drained out of my arms. My quiet giggles turned to painful screams as I felt pressure building up at the back of my skull. It felt as if there was something building up inside of my skull just waiting to burst – like a balloon being inflated with too much air.

I threw the nail onto the ground beside my body as I grabbed at my head in crazy pain.

"Rose? Oh My god, Roza?!" I heard from the cabin door before blacking out from the immense pain.


	8. Chapter 8

**Dimitri's POV**

As Rose walked through the door I couldn't help but notice the small cart she wheeled along with her which held a cylindrical tank. A small clear tube looped out from it to encircle her head to feed whatever was in the tank into her nostrils.

When I was younger I had grown up amongst a number of young human children and there was one small boy who had always been considered the runt of the kids. With a pale pallor and thin sickly features he also wheeled a tank around with him, just as Rose. I only ever got to see him during the holidays from school but when I did he slowly got even more ill. He spent weeks in the hospital at a time and his bones became brittle and broke on a regular basis which meant I wasn't able to practice sparring with him – but I had the other kids to do that with. No, instead I shared my love of Western novels with the boy and I could remember my mother organising 'play dates' with him where she would pull down a number of her novels for us to read.

When I was in grade five though, I took two weeks from school to spend at the bedside of the boy. He was in his last lap and we all knew he wouldn't make it so I sat there for hours at a time, reading him the novels that he no longer had the strength to both read and comprehend. That was when the boy passed away and I could clearly remember sitting there in shock as I dropped the book to the floor and crawled up beside the boy. I didn't cry – I didn't make a single sound until our parents walked in half an hour later, chatting with coffee in their hands when they caught sight of the two of us. Basically, I continued to read these books for him, just as I would for the rest of my life.

When Rose sat before Kirova I could see the nerves playing across her face as she took in the people present and her face seemed to grow impossibly pale as her eyes landed on me. She was the one sitting there, probably struggling to breathe, and yet her number one worry was that I was present? I had to hand it to her – even with what is happening to my Roza, she still held her all-too famous Rose Hathaway style.

When Kirova was finished addressing the numerous new rules of her lifestyle for now on, I took that as my gateway to get Rose alone. However, as I pushed myself off of the wall which I had been stationed at for the entire time – Rose took one look at me and tensed as if I were a hungry animal stalking its prey, or worse – a hungry Strigoi…. She threw herself from the chair and, with the small oxygen tank in hand, ran from the room leaving us all questioning ourselves.

Her mother was the first to move as she slowly sat in the chair which her daughter had been in just moments before, clutching her hands to her chest. I knew that position like I knew the back of my hand as I had seen my own mother mirror such every time my 'father' had come to visit. So, naturally, I hated seeing such pain and felt the urgency to comfort her. However, as I walked timidly to her side she simply waved her hand to me before whispering:

"Go and find my daughter, Belikov. Do not let her get hurt…" She trailed off as I tightened my lips at the thought of my dear Roza getting hurt, and left the room. Walking swiftly through the halls I kept my eyes peeled for any sign of my long brown haired beauty.

"Well I'll se you later then!" I heard the Dragomir princess yell at the top of her lungs, in the direction of the cafeteria. I knew that she and Roza were practically inseparable and not to mention shadow kissed so the chances of her screaming to Rose and not some average Joe was 100 to 1.

On a split decision I turn in the direction of the princess' voice where I found her slouched against the Ozera boy with a look of disappointment and sorrow across her face. Coming to an abrupt halt in front of the pair, I could vaguely see Eddie Castille wondering back inside of the building at a slow and aimless pace.

"Princess, you wouldn't have seen Hathaway around here today?" I ask as I place a hand to the wall to rest and catch my breath. The couple before me exchanged nervous glances before the Princess let out a long sigh and reluctantly looked back up at me once again.

"She just passed by – seemed like she was in a bit of a hurry to get out of here. In all honesty I actually thought that she was late for a practice session with you…" Her voice grew quiet as she trailed off, glancing towards the direction of the woods. I zeroed my gaze in on the fringe of trees and nodded quickly to the pair and began walking in the direction.

"Oh! And Guardian Belikov, she didn't seem that great when I saw her so please – just make sure she is ok?" The Dragomir princess pleaded as the Ozera boy led her back inside after the Castille novice.

As I neared the tree's edges I could see a number of bushes and shrubs had been pushed down and to the side as if they were forcefully pushed out of the way. Following through the path which I had to assume Rose had made, I neared a small clearing where there were multiple puddles of red liquid staining the snow… blood… Scattered around, half buried beneath the freshly fallen snow, I could see Rose's oxygen tank and breathing apparatus which had clearly been thrown away from her in frustration.

No, Roza… No…

Tearing my eyes away from the horrific scene before me I searched around the clearing for further clues as to where she could be. There were no more footprints due to the freshly fallen snow and no more bent back shrubs and bushes but… just beyond the clearing I could faintly make out a small wooden cabin – hidden away out of sight.

"Rose?" I yelled towards the cabin but all I was met with was the hollow silence of the academy's woods. Cautiously edging towards the wooden door I heard a scuffling from inside which was followed by an earth shattering scream of pain.

"ROSE!" I shouted as I threw my entire weight against the carved door which gave way as my shoulder made contact. Stumbling through the threshold, it only took a few seconds to scan the interior of the cabin before my eyes landed upon my Roza huddled up in s dark corner in front of a small fireplace which held the smouldering remains of a poorly lit fire.

A large puddle was surrounding her on the think wooden floorboards which I just assumed was snow however, as I inched closer and closer towards my love all that met my eyes was thick, scarlet blood flowing freely from her wrist and hands which also held a small rusty nail – now covered in blood.

"Rose? Oh my god, Roza?!" I exclaimed at the sight before me which Rose only lolled her head around on her shoulders to. She was barely conscious and her eyes were just empty of light and life as she met my gaze for a brief moment before passing out on the cold wooden floor.

Rushing to her side I whipped out my cell phone and hit the academy's speed dial before pulling Rose up into my arms as close as I could get.

"Guardian Belikov?" I heard an unfamiliar voice question across the line.

"I need a team of guardians and Dr Olendzki out at the East Senior campus visitor's cabin ASAP." I snapped as quickly as possible before hanging up and tossing the phone beside me. I could feel Rose's breathing becoming irregular as she gasped for oxygen in her sleeping state before her chest became still and motionless. I held my breath in anticipation of her next struggled gasp but her chest stayed motionless – no gasping and no movement.

"Rose?" I choked through my tightening throat as tears threatened to escape my eyes. I shook her once again and tapped her cheek repeatedly to get her to open her eyes and look at me…

"Roza?" I choked as I finally let the tears escape my eyes and fall on her cheeks where – had the situation been reversed, I could imagine tears falling from down her face.

"My Roza…"


	9. Chapter 9

**Dimitri's POV**

Drawing in a number of deep breathes through my clenched teeth I wiped the tears from my face and quickly cradled Rose to the wooden floor. Laying her before me I could see the blue tint of her lips against her stark white skin which I could feel was slowly becoming col by the minute.

"Roza, my love…" I choked on my words as I forced them from my lips before leaning down to place a single kiss to her forehead. Brushing away the strands of blood soaked hair from her face I trailed my lips down to her cold ones and slowly parted her mouth. Breathing deeply I grasped and pulled her chin up and pinched her nose between my fingers before forcing my breath into her system.

As an assistant to the academy there were a number of procedures which I had to go through, which luckily also involved CPR and first aid experience. So, as I forced oxygen into her system and pumped at her chest to get her heart moving and beating properly, I knew there was at least a chance of her pulling through this. I knew I was slowly inching towards the reality of breaking point as I constantly repeated my love's name in a hushed whisper.

"Come on, Rose… Come on!" I screamed in pain as I continued pumping away at her chest with no visible changes in her condition.

"Guardian Belikov!" I vaguely heard a masculine voice behind me as the door burst open letting in a strong gust of icy wind which blew a number of strands in front of my eyes. Yet I refused to stop my efforts – even as Dr Olendzki came to kneel beside me and attempt to pry my hands away from my Roza.

"No…" I whispered through my tightly clenched jaw as I watched the love of my life law in a pool of her own blood with a lifeless pale skin tone and blue tinted lips.

"Dimitri – let me take care of her…" Dr Olendzki whispered as she rested her palm on my upper arm as she also slowly pushed me back to make room for herself and the large bag of medical equipment which she had brought with her. In my moment of weakness I let a single Moroi take power over me and push me away from Rose before she set to work over my love's still body.

In the bustling confines of the academy's infirmary I could hear several different conversations going on around me, all regarding different subjects from Rose to the freaking weather. Through the bodies I could faintly see Dr Olendzki attaching Rose to a number of different machines and tubes which slowly put a little more colour into her skin. I was overjoyed to view such a sight but I felt my spirits plummet as I felt a tapping on my shoulder behind me. Turning slowly around, my eyes instantly zeroed in on Guardian Hathaway and a tall yet mobster-looking Moroi man.

"Guardian Hathaway and…" I greeted Rose's mother before searching through my memory in a desperate attempt to match the Moroi man's face with a name.

He stood tall as he held out his hand to shake mine before uttering in a thickly accented voice that his name was Abe Mazur.

However, Janine barely batted an eyelash as she stared with a stony glare directly into my eyes.

"Belikov – what was the last and only thing I asked of you today?" She asked in a tight voice before her eyes narrowed and her lips thinned into a microscopic pink line across her face. I wanted to tell her so badly that I knew I had messed up – oh I most definitely knew that. As soon as I saw that she had run into the woods I knew right away that nothing good could have happened and as I sat before her in that tony wooden cabin all I could think about was that if I had of caught up to her just a few seconds earlier I would have been able to help her… but no… no, of course I had to royally fuck up and not even start CPR for quite a while!

"I know Guardian Hathaway, I know… You asked me to make sure she was safe and I failed you – I failed her and I cannot tell you just how sorry I truly am." I felt the sting before I actually fully registered the hand coming towards my face but as soon as her palm made contact with my cheek I knew that there was definitely no chance of forgiveness in this scenario, and I really couldn't blame her.

Abe Mazur, having stayed silent the whole time, placed a steady hand on her upper arm before guiding her away from me and out the side exit doors of the infirmary.

Breathing out a painful sigh, I quickly buried my emotions into the mental drawer I was so used to using and jammed it shut before turning back around in the direction of Rose's room. Dr Olendzki had decided to put her into her own room so as not to crowd the ER section too much and to also supply a small amount of privacy for the tests which she had been carrying out these last few hours.

Walking slowly to her bedside I silently pulled the door closed before falling into the chair beside her hospital cot. I grabbed her hand in both of my large ones and engulfed hers into the palms before placing a long kiss to her skin. A single tear inched out of my eye and onto our joined hands as I held them to my mouth, just breathing in her scent. Pulling one of my hands away from our knotted fingers I brushed back her hair before slowly tracing a single finger down the side of her face to brush over her lips and finally rest against the corner of her lips.

"Oh! Guardian Belikov, I didn't know you were still here, shouldn't you be in your room resting?" Dr Olendzki bustled through the door holding several multi-coloured clipboards close to her chest. Quickly righting my position I cleared my throat and brushed away all traces of tears from my face and turned to greet the doctor – continuing to keep Rose's and my own hands knit close together.

"Umm no – I switched shifts with Guardian Crowley so I could keep an eye on Miss Hathaway." I answered in a monotone voice before turning back to Rose in her unconscious state.

"Well, in that case am I correct in assuming that you are interested in hearing all updates in her condition?" She asked quietly before glancing down at her clipboards.

"Of course."

I reluctantly release Rose's hand as I stand to see eye-to-eye with the doctor who was still flipping through her mountains of paperwork clipped to the boards. After minutes of searching she finally released a single slip of paper which she held out to me so that I could take it.

Grasping it in my sweaty palm I scanned my eyes over the many numbers and graphs on the page before slowly raising my gaze back up to Dr Olendzki's.

"Umm… I don't know what any of this means…" I speak quietly, slightly embarrassed and cursing the fact that I was admitting to yet another fault I possessed… or really – didn't possess.

"Oh, of course you wouldn't – I didn't go through 5 years in medical school for nothing. Basically what it says is that the tests which I sent over came back not only listing an increase in Rose's lung cancer but it has also picked up on another condition. These test results right here have come back positive for a branching of the cancer cells … into the brain…"

I felt my breath practically stop as I heard that news and all I could do was nod once in the doctors direction before sinking back into the chair beside Rose's bed and grasping her hand tightly in my hands. I heard the doctor quietly leave the room before I breathed in Rose's scent and placing a single kiss to her knuckles.

"Roza – what are we gonna do with you…"


	10. Chapter 10

**ROSE'S POV**

A bright sterile light glared through my eyelids as I lie still on the stiff hospital cot. I could feel my hand being held in a vice-like grip as a soft and firm palm smoothed over my hair, pulling multiple strands from my face.

"Rose?" His thick Russian accent pierced through the silence which soothed my nerves which were building by the second. The brushing of my hair stilled and my hand was squeezed tighter within his sweaty palm.

"Roza?" Reaching out to the voice I pulled myself out of my own mind and slowly cracked my eyes open. I instantly recoiled at the bright glaring light shone down into my sight but slowly opened my eyes once again as a shadow fell over my face.

Glancing up thankfully towards Dimitri I could see the joy build up inside of him to be displayed clearly on his face – masking the pain and sorrow which had previously filled his expression.

"Dimitri?" I asked in my drug filled haze – trying to pull my fluttering mind together into coherent thoughts. He smiled sweetly down at me which made my heart skip a beat before he crushed my lips with his own in what one could only call a desperate kiss. My arms circled around his neck to pull him closer but, as always, his guardian skills came out to play as he quickly unhooked my arms and pulled himself away.

He laughed at my pouting expression before turning back to where he was seated before and sliding back into his chair. Huffing out a sigh I glance around the room and instantly feel a shot of ice cold fear run down my spine as I take in the fact that I was not in my usual bed in the 'ER' but instead I was in a completely separate room with the door shut firmly to seal us in and away from the rest of the infirmary. The machines beside my bed beeped away in accordance to my pulse, heartbeat etc. as others dripped various liquids into my system through a large needle inserted into my wrist.

The machine's beeping began to intensify as I felt my breathing become ragged and uneven. Dimitri, having heard the fast beeping, reached forward quickly to place a familiar clear tube under my nose with the nubbins secured within my nostrils as well as looping the tube in place over my ears. I silently thanked him as the door to my room suddenly burst open bringing in a bustling Dr Olendzki and my mother.

At the sight of Guardian Hathaway Dimitri quickly glanced down at his shoes to avoid her gaze as he rubbed at the back of his neck incessantly.

"Miss Hathaway – how lovely it is to see that you have finally woken up." Dr Olendzki spoke in a soft voice as she came to stand beside Dmitri by my bedside.

My Mother's head shot up in my direction as she heard my name being mentioned before she rushed to the opposite side of my bed to the other two and grabbing my hand into hers.

"Rose…" She sighed my name before placing a small kiss on my hand. Attempting a reassuring smile to my mother, I turned back to the doctor who seemed to be checking over the machines before coming back over to me to check my vitals.

"Rose you are very lucky that Guardian Belikov found you when he did – had he been just a few seconds later... well …" Dr Olendzki trailed off as she scribbled down a few notes onto a purple clipboard which she then placed at the end of my bed.

"How did you find me?" I asked Dimitri in confusion as I searched my memories in a desperate attempt to uncover the truth. Once again his face was covered with a nervous expression which only seemed to worry me more.

"Umm – after you left the meeting I ran after you and with the help of the Dragomir Princess and Mr Ozera I was able to track you to a small wooden cabin on the outskirts of the academy where you were… umm… you were barely conscious…" He spoke softly with a hand cupped around the back of his neck the entire time. I squinted my eyes as I tried to remember what had happened and that was when it all came flooding back in a tidal wave of memories.

"I-I remember…" I whisper barely above a hushed voice.

"I was trying to get away and I- I just wanted some time alone and so I just ran. I didn't care where I was going I just wanted to get away but when I was trying to get through the snow I tripped and my tank got caught behind some roots so I just left it there and kept going."

"I bumped my head and when I got to the cabin I could feel something all over me – it was inside of me, under my skin so I-" I cut myself off as I realised what I had nearly admitted to doing. I had cut myself purposely and there was no way I was going to admit that. Glancing down at my arm I realised there were a number of thick bandages wound around my wrists where the cuts had been.

"Rose what happened in that cabin?" My mother asked in a hushed tone but I just stayed silent as I shook my head in a refusal to answer the question. However, she must have taken my silence as a note of my not remembering so she quickly let it go.

"Now, Miss Hathaway while you were unconscious I had to do a number of tests which I have the results of right here," she held out a stack of papers to me which I took as a sign to take them.

They were pages after pages of technical jargon, numbers and graphs and basically the only thing that made any sense to me was my name.

Glancing up at the doctor I looked at her with a sheepish glance in hopes that she would spare my feelings and help me figure out what the hell it says here.

"Oh, well basically it notes the progress of your lung cancer but it says right here," She points to a table of numbers with a graph beside it, "It says that these cancer cells have actually branched off and into your brain…" She breaks the news as soothing as possible but in all honesty, it didn't really surprise me all that much. I knew, at some stage in the cabin, I knew that something like this was quite possible…

"Now, it can lead to schizophrenia, delusions and depression." She finished as I simply nodded along with what she was saying… I guess the schizophrenia and delusions explain the bugs on my skin and why I cut into my skin to get the cancer out of my body (or really the 'slithering serpent'.)


	11. Chapter 11

After that dreadful night of becoming painfully aware of the cancer in my brain, I spent a few days in that all-too-bright infirmary before I was finally given the all clear from Dr Olendzki to leave. My check-ups with her had been increased to twice a week as opposed to once but in the second meeting she is taking over the part of the hospital and running tests and injecting me with the various medicines and liquids that they would normally do.

She had also given me a really long stern talk when she had heard that I had abandoned my oxygen tank in the woods and made me promise her to keep it on 24/7 now… which I sort of wish I hadn't agreed to as the larger machine which filtered the oxygen as I slept was really loud and only seemed to keep me awake at night.

Dimitri, of course, had stayed by my bedside the whole time I was in the infirmary (with the exception of when he had lessons to teach and meetings to attend) even after my mother screamed at him the first night I became conscious in the infirmary. I was fast asleep when I heard Dimitri get up and walk out of the room only he didn't pull the door completely shut so as my mother reprimanded him for his 'careless attitude' the whole thing was more than audible in my room as the light filtered through the faceless darkness. I frowned as I closed my eyes to imitate sleep as Dimitri walked back in with a heavy sigh and once again sat back in the worn wool covered seat. Why didn't he defend himself? It wasn't his fault that I ran off and most definitely not his fault that I totally flipped out and carved away at my arm.

"Rose I know you're not asleep…" Dimitri whispered as he brushed away at my hair with his fingertips. My frown quickly smoothed out as I felt a hint of smile play around the edges of my lips which I longed to press against Dimitri's. Rolling over I grabbed his hand and cuddled up to it, as a young child would do as they restlessly toss and turn, before I glanced up at Dimitri under my lashes. I knew I didn't look half as good as he did when he gave me 'the look' but I did hope that I was at least coming a little close to it.

"How did you know?" I asked as he just shook his head in mock horror before letting a chaste smile between his lips and tapping his forehead with his index finger.

"Must be psychic." He grinned down at me as I laughed in admiration of him finally loosening up around me even more so. However, my laughs were cut short as I let out a long yawn which I tried in fruitless effort to hide from Dimitri's hawk-like gaze.

Chuckling at my actions he once again smoothed down my hair as he told me to go back to sleep before I cuddled up to his arm once again and fell instantly into a dreamless sleep.

Later that week I was released to wreak havoc on the academy (or at least that's what I'd like to think) but in reality I was actually now under house arrest which sucks! 'It could be worse, Rose – I mean at least you're still allowed to see people" Dimitri commented as he accompanied to my room where I would be spending the rest of my days in my own sorrows… Wow – that was deep…

However, once I was alone in my room the painful loneliness only seemed to grow worse as, defying Dimitri's predictions, I had no visitors and no one to speak to – if it continues to go on this way I may end up speaking to the walls!

*Knock knock*

Flinching at the loud harsh sound I hastily grab the oxygen tank and rush to the door and as I throw it open I couldn't help the large euphoric grin which grew upon my face.

Lissa and Christian stood in my doorway looking anxious as well as eyeing the tube under my nose which led to the tank in curious yet worried expressions. I hadn't seen either of them since I had my little breakdown which was over a week ago and I couldn't even remember the last time I saw either of them before that. I mean – I was even happy to see pyro Christian! And that's saying something…

"Rose?" He asked in hesitation as the two stood quietly in the dark doorway. Realising what he was questioning, I moved the oxygen tank slightly to hide behind my leg before smiling timidly at him.

"Rose… Where have you been?" Lissa asked in exasperation as she threw herself at me in a tight bear hug. I gasped for air as I focused on my breathing solely. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. After a few minutes of Lissa still hugging me I carefully cleared my throat which apparently made her realise how long we had been standing in this position for as she quickly giggled and let go of me before backing back up to stand beside Christian.

I laughed quietly as I moved off to the side so as to let the couple into my room which was extremely dark as I had yet to draw the curtains and let the sunlight into my room (which I guess was a good thing since a) neither Christian or Lissa should be out of bed at the moment and b) the light would only weaken them.

"I'm sorry about the mess, guys. I mean, as I have been on house arrest I haven't really been bothered to clean all this up…" I hesitated as I apologised for the mess of papers lying around on the floor and dirty shirts and clothes thrown around the room in random places.

"Oh, don't worry about it – we just stopped by to see you since none of us have seen you in – in - who knows how long…" Lissa explained as I sat on my computer chair and the other two plopped down onto my bed. As we spoke about the latest gossip across the campus and Adrian's Spirit lessons with Lissa I could see their eyes repeatedly land on the oxygen tank which I tried to hide behind my legs as I sat tall on the small chair.

"Umm – guys I have something to tell you and you really need to keep quiet about it 'cause I don't want this getting around the school. Promise?" I asked hopefully as I cringed at the thought of the new school gossip being about my impending death and cancerous lifestyle.

They quickly exchanged glances before turning back to me with incredulous expressions plastering their faces. 'Ofcourse!' They both spoke earnestly at the same time which I had to stifle a giggle at – they really do love each other!

Pulling the oxygen tank out from behind my legs to sit in front of me in clear vision I took a deep breathe through my nose so as to have the artificial oxygen assist me in the deliverance of such news as I am about to tell. Glancing at the steady looks in Lissa and Christians's eyes I felt a reassurance before I quickly spoke the words I had been trying to avoid for all-too-long.

"I have cancer. It was originally only in my lungs, hence the oxygen tank, but a week ago I had some tests sent away which came back basically saying that the cancer cells had spread… spread up into my brain…" I stumbled over my words as I felt a tightening in my throat and stinging at my eyes which I knew could only mean that I was damn near crying and, as I glanced up at Lissa and Christian, I couldn't help but notice the similar expressions across their faces as a single tears ran down Lissa's cheek.


End file.
